POLARITIES ARE JUST POINTS ON THE SAME CIRCLE

--Opposites always circle around
And bumping into each other
Then what?
Run the other way again?
Or play spiritual chicken?
Taking a rigid stand
Meld- making a mess?
Of let one another both exist?
Living together on the same continuum-- jws


There is something off for me when belief becomes something to push.
Belief and doubt are on the same continuum
On a continuum, no one idea or feeling can win
They can separate, distance or stand close
But not cancel its opposite
Hope and fear
Love and hate
Human and divine
Co-existence is what its called

MY SPIRITUAL REALITY SHOW --EPISODE # 3

--Boys brought me back to church but not to God!
And not to the same church.
Only as I write do I realize I never attended church with my parents again.
But as a Freshman in high school I began to cut across the alley to the EUB
church.  Evangelical United Brethern.
Where the boys were.
Where we tolerated embarrassing activities in order to be close to thundering 
hormones.
We roller skated, we sang Christmas carols to old people, we collected clothing
we served soup awash in giddy attraction.
I dressed up with great care and planning just to sit and rub elbows in church with my latest crush.
God played no part in this church going--


Here's what I find interesting about Episode #3
My parents did continue to go to "their" church
And for 3 years they let me stay at home.
And never said boo about the switch when I started to go the EUB church.
Two very different experiences, I tell you.
I know my mom fussed.
And I know my dad protected my choice.
It was not a slight rebellion.
My young world view had been profoundly changed.
I appreciate the gift of their tolerance and respect for me.

MY SPIRITUAL REALITY SHOW -- EPISODE # 2

I'm sharing some of the entries of a book I'm working on.
I PRAY ANYWAY--Devotions for the Ambivalent.
I share them to get used to the idea of sharing intimate stuff.
I'm like a seedling getting hardened for the real garden. (Huh?)
Always glad for comments and your stories.
Because I don't really write. I talk. And love a conversation.


In sixth grade I gave God up
On Christmas Eve no less
Went to Christmas Service with my parents my college brother, and his fiance
My best friend and I were in the choir
We all went to her house after the service for Polish food and fun
I couldn't wait to tell her I had been kissed for the first time
(My boy crush and later love had come by my house with mistletoe)
Both yuck and yowee!
I remember red hot cheeks
I never did tell her
A phone call ruined Christmas and God for me
My brother's girlfriend's family had been killed in a car accident
Hit by a drunken driver
Her grandparents, her parents, her seven year old brother and a new baby girl
All killed
A six casket funeral
A nine year old sister lived

So may ramifications from that night
I did not have an alcoholic drink until I was forty-four
I still am uncomfortable around real drunkenness
I immediately refused church, Sunday school, prayer,Bible
If God was not good, phooey oh him (small h )
Done
For quite a while
I gave up on God

MY SPIRITUAL REALITY SHOW--Episode # 1

Thought I'd share a little history--my spiritual reality show-- to give context for 
why I pray anyway.  Here's the first entry:



I had my first spiritual inkling in 4th grade Sunday School
Mrs Selye was my Sunday School teacher
She inspired me.  I decided to be a missionary
She gave us all a Bible--The New Standard Revised Edition
It was maroon and looked like a book, not a Bible
Mrs Selye did the unthinkable.  She taught us how to write in our Bibles.
Permission to underline
I was a book worm and had a new book
So I read it.
Cover to cover stumbling determinedly through names and generations
I was fervent until 6th grade when in my own mistaken math
I put  two and two together and rejected God
Got mad at God
Good and mad

NOT EVERYONE CARES ABOUT THE BIG QUESTIONS

And today I am one of those people.

Even mystics took breaks  and visited other monasteries for fun and to get away from the day to day strictures of worship.

It's not that I want to stop being curious and open and fascinated by the mystery of it all.
I mean, I read theology for fun!!

But it must be nice to just settle into life not caring about meaning.
Let life be as much fun as it can.
Keep suffering to a minimum.
Take death as it comes.
Enjoy.
Happiness is the greatest good so take your happiness temperature every day.

Sometimes the need is to step off the world into solitude and another level of
being.  And sometimes it's so right and good to step out of the world of solitude into good ol' everyday fun with no meaning what so ever.  I'm ready