#324
I want my family to be
whole
And here
For Thanksgiving
All of them
Happily chaotic
Vital
Travel weary
I want them to want to be here
Still, love stretches beyond geography and holidays
I'm an ingrate on Thanksgiving
This was written two years ago as I was truly adjusting to the fact that my five kids and spouses were scattered and would probably never all be here for Thanksgiving at the same time again.These 'kids' are heading into middle age with families of their own and it's about time we did the visiting and they did the hosting. It's a shift of moving from the center to the sidelines. Lest this sound plaintive, I am blessed with a family that loves well and expresses it. I just had temporary blues as I moved over for a new generation.
Devotions for the Ambivalent is the subtitle of the book I am soon to publish. Today,I wondered if I should have used it for the main title, putting I PRAY ANYWAY in second place. However, the title came to me 'as is' and propelled the book into being, so I will leave it alone.
Two things struck me about the subtitle. The book has 365 entries that I have gone back and forth about calling them 'prayers' or 'poems'. Well, wouldn't you know it? They actually are 'devotions (regular spiritual or religious observances) just like the title says. Go figure.
And I have come to like 'ambivalence' too. It sounds a little smart ass at first and people like it for that. Many are relieved to hear the word 'ambivalent' follow the words 'I pray'. I really like it too. "Mixed feelings, contradictory ideas" is the definition of ambivalence. Feelings are always mixed and contradictory ideas lead to good discoveries and the next set of contradictory ideas. For instance, the integration of science and religion is just beginning its battle of seeming opposites. See what I mean?
So, I respect and like my ambivalence BUT I put I PRAY ANYWAY first for good reason. That's a decision I made to top my fickle feelings.
Regardless of fickle feelings, I praynyway. That's a decision I Regardless of fickle feelings, I pray made.
I wanted to write about the new book I have coming out the first week of December I PRAY ANYWAY: Devotions for The Ambivalent! In fact, I quit writing this blog to work on the book and was surprised to see people had been reading
the entries regardless. Thank you.
Hard to write about praying and ignore the horror of Paris. I would prefer to start writing here again with a joy focused entry. Or how I have a mantra to keep me out of the mire of my own fussing.
But, Paris. Puts us right up against it. The "it" being how far to go in loving your enemy or in compassion for all sentient beings. I hear the retaliation talk.
It sounds like sputtering in the wind for this kind of terror. To retaliate in kind is
at heart, uncivilized where as traditional war is somehow OK. (Traditional war follows the rules for uncivilized behavior)
I avoid a true response by focusing what we must do before we get to unleashed hate--love, feed, respect, give opportunity. But hate is here.
Evil is here. What to do? Of course, I'll pray anyway. And then? What to do?
