THE COURAGE OF NOT KNOWING

The most important word in the title of my book I PRAY ANYWAY:Devotions for the Ambivalent is not "ambivalent". The important word is "anyway".

The book seems to attract two groups. One is the non-affiliated (meaning they identify with no religion and on the US census they check the box for 'non-affiliated' and are called the 'nones'. The other group is people who are affiliated but uncomfortably so. They can't break away from their church habit or religion but it is a compromised relationship. One group can't/won't commit and the other can't/won't leave. 

It is so much more comfortable and satisfying to be fully engaged and committed whether we are talking about  sports or love or work or religion.
That is not where we are as a culture. We are a bifurcated culture in the US with strong passionate groups at either end of the spectrum absolutely knowing they are right, their way is right. The middle is not holding up well economically or
in any other way of moderation.

Rather than being seen as wishy-washy, I hold that those of us holding the middle space of not knowing, of staying open have the hardest job. We often stand alone and quiet while the ones who 'know' bludgeon one another. In religion it is particularly difficult. It's hard to find a voice for uncertainty and confusion. My book gives voice to that undercurrent of spiritual yearning with no form for it to take that feels like the right fit. 

So it is not the ambivalence that matters. It is the 'anyway'. The courage to press on without knowing and pray anyway. 

LOOK HARDER

I do pray 'anyway'. The 'anyway' part is quite important. I'm not waiting to be hit over the head with a perfect belief. I trust, hope that there is a transcendent 
reality to our lives. God is one way to describe it. But my prayer and my study of praying can get too abstract and then it is worth nothing but my brain's exercise.

So I love it when I get hit by a very grounding thought. This one comes from John le Carre ain his memoir THE PIGEON TUNNEL. His life and writing about spying, which is certainly bound to make reality very fluid, has taught him the following: Moral clarity is diminished by increased understanding. He says this: "The harder you look for absolutes, the less likely you are to find them."

So if you are looking for a spiritual discipline for this election year, try looking harder at those around you who are spouting absolutes. Stay soft. Stay curious. 
Stay respectful. "Love your neighbor as you love yourself". 

Look harder.
This is the essence of everyday prayer.

MY KIND OF PRAYER

My kind of prayer is, well, my kind of prayer. It fits me. I do several kinds.
I howl in pain. I beg for people I love. I collapse with grief and I use Mary to help find a parking place. Really.

And I include lots of 'thanks', mostly sincere, but some out of counting my blessings to fall asleep or out of guilt for forgetting how lucky I am. (Luck is a whole other topic in relation to prayer).  

When it isn't a spontaneous prayer burp, I often sit and strain and wiggle to try to get to a prayer place. So I use devotions to open the portal. I may have to try quite a few but eventually somthing strikes me and in I go.

Want to know what it feels like when I get there?  Calm and warm and soothing and so very OK even when every darn thing is not. And sometimes there is a hint of guidance or direction. Not bad.  

Please read www.truthburp.blogspot.com  for 9/11 thoughts

'ANYWAY' IS THE OPERATIVE WORD

My book— I PRAY ANYWAY: Devotions for the Ambivalent— will be out with a new cover and some changes near the first of October. In reviewing it, I've had great discussions with people. They tendency is to talk about the power of prayer, the hypocritical nature of those who pray and are not such great people, the deadness of most prayer, and the enduring state of a world in need of, well, love.

The words in the title that attract attention first are 'prayer' and then 'ambivalent'. Some readers or potential readers are turned off by the word 'prayer' and then relieved by the word "ambivalent".  Others are bothered by the word 'ambivalent' and wish there was more emphasis on 'prayer. 

Right. But 'Anyway' is truly where I am coming from

Not sure about this God stuff?
Pray anyway
Wonder about the creative energy of the universe?
Pray anyway
Know that the world is cruel and unfair
Pray anyway
Your life has hurt and disappointed you?
Pray Anyway
Your life is magnificent, sparkling with all things good?
Pray Anyway
Pretty sure religion causes lots of problems
Pray Anyway

That is the grand experiment of the possibility of the sacred and divine in every day life.
Pray ANYWAY.