FOUR WORDS THAT SURPRISE ME

I go to church.

Shhhh.  I go to church.  I haven't since I was 20 years old.  I kind of thought
I should.  I kind of wanted to for my kids.  I tried a few times. Nothing took.
I know how crazy organized  religion (what a term!) could be--how full of hate and power abuse or how dead and rote it could be. I gave it up. I'd stick with my disorganized "religion".

Now I go to church. 
It's all my daughter's fault.
She found a church. She had the real hunger. And she told my husband and me that we HAD to be her guest at her church--her African American Episcopal
Methodist church.  

How do I describe what happened?  I expected good music. Raucous gospel.
I expected to feel very very white and WASPy. I expected to have a nice experience and to go home happy to have supported my daughter.

I didn't expect to feel immediately at home. I didn't expect to feel immediately able to join in worship unselfconsciously. I didn't expect to be able to be sad, happy, quiet, loud, sit, stand, clap, and be utterly myself comfortable in my own skin. I didn't expect the joy and warmth and relief of being with real people pressing on with their lives with faith. I didn't expect to bump into a long ago neglected spiritual joy and adventure. I didn't expect doubts and differences to be so common and expected. Mostly, I didn't expect to return to church.

But I did and do. Again and again.
I have a Pastor!! I would say he is extraordinary. He would say he is the conduit for God's work. He creates an atmosphere of ease and spirit. It is organic and creative and unfolds to the needs of the day. It can be trusted. There is no phoniness. I leave with deep joy, ready for what life has to throw my way, full of gratitude.  That's why I can say--

I go to church. 

Still surprises me.

IS SUFFERING REALLY OPTIONAL?

Every "religion" seems to have its own stance about suffering.
Some minimize it with an approach like Bhuddism--working like crazy to create a distant perspective to it. "Mmmm how interesting, here comes pain. No need to suffer."

I was raised a Methodist. Sorrow was quiet and private not made central to the church. Christ was risen, not stuck on the cross.  God was good-- period. We were soothed by a good pot luck dinner. Gathering after a funeral had more cakes than people and tended to be noisy and joyful

I live in Mexico part of the year and the suffering of Jesus is appreciated and loved and is a sweet sorrow. Worship is mournful throughout the year.
Suffering is beautiful. Enjoyed.

And of course we have new thought approaches like those in the Course in Miracles that teach we create our own suffering and if we would only think differently we would not have reason to suffer.  

I recently had lunch with a business colleague. We tended to agree that a leap in learning seems to involve discomfort at best, suffering at worst.  
What's your thought on suffering? I think you can learn in moments of great joy too.  It bumps you to a new stance in life. Then again, I come from Midwest Methodist stock.


One problem with Christianity is
Not just an early history of suffering
But the now of suffering
The pleasure of suffering
The implied reward of suffering
That turns so quickly to 
The habit of a victim

joyce wilson-sanford
from I PRAY ANYWAY

WALLOWING

Gratitude is a very on trend topic these days.
Good for the heart physically, good for the emotions for sure.
There are so many reminders about it that I'm fascinated by the dominance of gratitude in books and magazines.
Is it a counter-balance to the horror of much of the world?
Is it the mantra of a materialistic culture--a way to calm our greed?  
Is it a spiritual discipline that we can all agree on?

A friend sent out a reminder of the need for a gratitude attitude when a friend of hers wrote about her kitchen in need of an update.  Regardless of the details, the point was to remind us to appreciate our kitchens just as they are--and everything else too.
So I share this prayer/poem from I PRAY ANYWAY--Devotions for the Ambivalent:

WALLOWING

Wallowing a bit
Not seeing all the good stuff
My life is full
Rich
Jam packed with learning
Creating,loving
Work, catastrophe too
Who could ask for anything more?
Well, just give me a minute!

MY SPIRITUAL REALITY SHOW #4

 

My teen-age God dry spell ended with falling in love

Age sixteen, radiant, brilliant, glowing falling in love

The world glistened

I was so full of gratitude, I re-opened my Bible

New Testament

Love, love, love

Everywhere

Jesus suddenly made sense to me

I had so much fullness, so easy to give, to be joyful

I read and discovered theology through

my now Seminarian brother

(yet another Christmas Eve ramification)

I quit going to church

(No boys needed now)

But I did nightly devotions and knew a very

Satisfying prayer experience

God was good again

I WANT TO RIGHT SIZE MY LIFE

I want to right size my life
Shed some stuff
Pare down daily irritations
Make larger the work that's mine to do
Gigantic energy to do it
A medium size ego to make it happen
Few but true friends
Less to heal
More to give
Gobs of living in the present

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES -------OR THE IMPROBABLITY PRINCIPLE?

A miracle is "an object of wonder, a welcome. surprising, extraordinary event
that can't be explained by science and is thought to have come from divine intervention".

Mostly, I don't care where a miracle comes from but I've had a few, seen a few. My response is to want to give thanks to a Higher Power/God that is beyond knowing so I must believe in this intervening awesome good.

I remember an affirmation that took me through a painful divorce and rupture of my family. "I expect a miracle today."  I don't know where the phrase came from but I hung on to it like a kid to candy. It kept me hopeful and looking for the miracle of the day. And they came--ten dollars in the mail right when I'd run out of money for the week, an invitation to a job interview without having ever applied for the job.  And later in life, living through a heart attack because I was in the right place at the right time. 

But my eye was caught by the title of this book.
I share it with you for the honesty of it, I think.
Maybe not every miracle is a miracle.
Thank goodness for those that are.

The Improbability Principle--why coincidence, miracles and rare events happen every day--By David J. Hand 

l. Law of Inevitability --something must happen

2. Law of Truly Large Numbers--given enough opportunities, unlikely things will happen

3. Law of Selection--we paint targets after the arrows have hit

4. Law of Near Enough--things that are sufficiently similar are treated as if they are identical

Food for thought.

I STRUGGLE WITH PRAYER

I struggle with prayer
But not with praying
Belief scares me
But not believing
Hope can sound so vapid
But hoping does not
Doubt seems immutable
Doubting not so much
Nouns are so rigid
Verbs keep on moving

joyce wilson-sanford