"WE ARE THE IN-BETWEENS!!!"

I sometimes wonder why I am sharing a book about what I don't know.
Even when I try to classify it for sale, it gets weird.
If I would classify it as 'Happy Agnostic or Atheist' it would probably sell well
If I could call it Christian, the market would be very big. 
Hmmmm.
Can't

I was at Portland's Art Museum today (celebrating 33 years of marriage) and went to the book store there. I began to talk to the woman at the counter and told her the title of my book.
People usually glaze over until they hear the word 'ambivalent' and then they light up.
Well this woman did and said "Oh good, a book for us. We are the in-betweens." And she took down information about how to buy the book on Amazon.

When I got home I checked Amazon to see if the new version of the book was being shown.  I saw that Amazon was selling used books of mine when I haven't sold enough for their to be used books!! So I Googled it and found a review sanfranciscobookreview.com/product/i-pray-anyway-devotions-for-the-ambivalent/ that was encouraging about 
the book and the sharing of my ups and downs and hope.   

We in the middle are not nuts. In fact we need more middle in general. More Middle Class,
 more middle of the road opinions, more of the Middle Path as they say in Buddhism.  Hooray for us.

Unpublished Reflection #?

How odd to be a sure voice
Of not knowing
My public uncertainty comforts
In this time
Of the absolutely sure
Strident rigid knowing

Doubt is
Like the center of calm
In a perfect storm

CLARITY FROM THE MUDDLE OF THE MESSY MIDDLE

I wrote I PRAY ANYWAY for me. I wanted to hear what I was thinking and feeling. I didn't write it to publish (that came later). I didnt' write it for a specific reader. Sooooo bassackwards if I want to sell some books or have some good come from writing it. Soooooo wrong from a marketing point of view. I had no point of view.

Well, one is beginning to emerge and it is the MESSY MIDDLE of spiritual yearning and exploration with no answers only glimmers of faith that come and go--or glow and fade!

Once I am interested in something I read and, boy, have I! (I'll make a list of some of the reading for another blog.)  Picture a continuum. At the left end you have what are called the Literalists and at the other end there are the Atheists. This applies across all religions. The Literalists bang into science and refuse it. The Atheists bang into belief and refuse it. I've read lots in both categories either disproving one another or sticking a big toe into the other's territory.

I live in the MESSY MIDDLE. That is my market segment. We need a voice. We can pray anyway.
We can live boldly with our search and yearning for spiritual clarity. We can know there will never be perfect clarity. We realize that those at both ends of the spectrum have doubts about their position that occasionally come out and surprise us. We in the MESSY MIDDLE want to pray--anyway--not with apology but with the optimum faith shown in the word ANYWAY.

Here is the reflection that triggered my writing. (It's so fun to be surprised and to learn from my own writing.)

# 86
Right now
I am ambivalent about my ambivalence
It's tiresome
Embarrassing
Maybe cowardly
But it would be a lie to resolve it
Toward pure doubt
Or pure faith
The messy middle
Is my experience

I TRUST THIS LEADER FOR RINGING TRUE

Thank goodness for the Pope
Thank goodness for this Pope
He gives Christianity a new credence
He gets it
He models it
He makes it desireable
Radiant love
Natural humility
Compassion from his pores
Caring always for the other
Willing to shoulder the unfortunate
Unwilling to judge
The power of being it
Not talking about it
While leading in a contentious world
One more  person on the love side

AND THIS IS HOW THIS HAPPENED

Re-reading the reflection that follows gave me serious pause for thought.
I wrote it at least two years ago.
Thoughtful, honest and-----dying to be complacent


#134

I ignore the world
It scares me
The hate is so big
And so tangle together
Every string pulls on another
Too tight to unravel
Fingers pointing everywhere but near
Not me—not now
I'll help later
Let me enjoy
Just a little bit longer
I don't want to look
Not yet

And so now, I spend at least an hour a day signing petitions and calling Senators.
Today, I will go to Senator Collins office to deliver a petition arguing against 
Betsy DeVos for Secretary of Education. And I hate to be "against" rather than "for".
But, do you want to smile?  I spent three hours yesterday applying to BE The Secretary of Education. Why the hell not?  Doing it made me laugh out loud. Why the hell not?

REFLECTIONS FOR OUR TIME—from I PRAY ANYWAY

# 44
I pray for every person on this globe
To move a micro measure more
Toward compassion
Receive it
Give it 
Create conditions for it
Baby steps to peace
Accumulating

#132
We need a revision of our God image
Less father, more mother
More mystery
More softness
More compassion
More right now
Not past or future
Mama Now

#244
I pray to change the world
Yes I do
I pray to change the world
One tiny drop of love
And reverence
Regardless of doubt
The world's ugliness
Laughing at me
Who knows the tipping point
Of one more prayer?
I pray to change the world

Pass these on--more to come

LET THE CONVERSATIONS BEGIN

I love that suddenly God is constantly in the news and in best selling books. 
God is trending. Or Godness or Godlessness or whatever you want to name the divine.
We have had it with being quiet about our spiritual yearning and with feeling confused and embarrassed to admit it. Atheists, agnostics, the "nones" all swirl around the topic in different ways. Even indifference is not disinterested.

We, the ambivalent, the disillusioned, the confused, the angry,
are beginning to talk. We are coming out. 
Our conversations will help reshape religion for the future. We want to talk about how all religions can reform to include one another. We want legal, literal, punitive interpretation of the major religions wisdom books to stop. We will talk about differences without immediate judgment.
We don't mind paradox. We trust it. We embrace the relationship between science and religion.
We like the mystery of being alive. We know that the energy of love has to win as the medium of resolving the polarities of our time. It will be a first time to do so without bloodshed.
It has to happen. It is happening. 

Stay steady. Stay open. Stay kind. Stay curious. Stay respectful.
Lay the foundation for the new.

PRAYER FASCINATES ME

I often focus on the ambivalence, the 'anyway', of my book (trust me it will be released with a new cover Feb 1 and until then it is hard to buy but is available on Amazon) I PRAY ANYWAY:Devotions for the Ambivalent. 

Prayer itself is a huge topic, from how to pray, to types of prayer, to scientific studies of the impact of prayer. Prayer is a mystery that I like. What would we call it if we didn't use the word 'prayer'?
Dialogue with God?
Connection with my purpose?
Praising God?
Imploring God?
Sending a blessing or miracle to someone else?
Energetic connection for the common good?
Tapping into the creating energy of the universe?
Bringing my soul into focus?
Finding the place of peace and joy?
Plugging into love which is timeless?

Yes. Yes. And yes.

I want to hear from you and will put this question of Face book.
Prayer is an experience.  
My book shares so many different experiences as I experiment with praying.