I JUST DON'T CARE MUCH ABOUT AFTER LIFE

The fact that I just don't care much about life after death is a pretty big
stumbling block when it comes to Christianity which is the religious language that I speak  most easily.

I'm very curious about "after death experiences" and the stories people share when they have had one. It can be compelling. I am open to past lives.
And I read lots in all of these areas. It is comforting. But it's not what I base my
'faith' on. It would be lovely frosting on the cake. Plus it's impossible to imagine not being. OK I'm getting weirded out. 

What to do about the 'life after death' issue. (I do say it really really fast when we repeat the Nicene Creed.) I have done quite a bit of historical reading about Jesus and his time in history. I don't question that he may have risen from being dead. It's just not that important to me. I care about life now, the spirit now, the experience of divinity now, and the importance of love now.

My mom was sure that after her death, she would join her sisters and mom and dad in heaven. I kind of sassily (very sassily) asked her if she thought they would be playing Bridge. She said, "yes".  I lost my sass and was jealous of her sweet surety. I laughed and said I pictured us as kind of soul blobs bobbing around waiting for the next round of having a body. She said, "Oh Joyce!".
Let's have coffe and play a hand of Rummy. 

There you have it. Life here and now wins for me and to have it and live it abundantly. 

MY SOUL HAS HAPPY FEET TODAY

MY GIFT OF A SUNDAY TO MYSELF AND HOW I USED IT!!

10:30 am. I am alone at home for the day, night and tomorrow morning
First I sit and am a little giddy (carbonated is a better word) by the open space of no demand, no schedule, no people.  Yippee comes to mind

I make fresh coffee, eat bread and butter and read The New York Times Book Review. Sour dough bread from Scratch bakery. Next a leftover oatmeal cookie
When the cat's away, the carbs come out. Indulgence is so good for the soul. Maybe not the body, but happy happy soul

Begin to think of calling adult kids to see about the beach. No,no,no.  Always that temptation to fill in empty space. Make pledge to sit in my favorite places and read whatever strikes me. Then I'll read some more.  Summer, alone, books, cookbooks, magazines, shady nooks, fresh coffee Mama!!!!

10:58. Up to get out of pj's (magenta with orange polka dots--makes me hot to look at them), look for reading glasses, get ice water.

11:13. All set. Couldn't find book in process  HUMMINGBIRDS DAUGHTER
let it go watered a desperate plant. Got bag of books from library and iPad
Settled I tell you, settled!!!

12:00. move into full sun in yard to read. Need a little beach like burn for summer vibe with no cumbersome clacking beach chairs trail dropping of a flip flop,lotion, ever present cheese sticks.
12:15 Popsicles break. May have to move. Gargle across street blared Heavy Metal. Where are my ear buds?


1:00. Baby Break.  Proud grandmother brought over granddaughter for me to see.
Makes my youngest look like she's ready for grad school
Back to sun and WHAT KATIE ATE cookbook.

1:11 (lucky number). Into house for lunch. Leftovers Salade Nicoise from guests last night. Way better today. Added potatoes chips and two chocolates from host gift eating like its the1950's!!  Ate on front porch AT 1950's Formica table that has one red wooden leg. It was a gift picked off a street by my son and daughter in law. Cream with red trim. Very happy
Read every page of WHAT KATIE ATE
Peruse AGNOSTIC MANIFESTO
Perused and realized I had already read SHANGHAI REMEDY. Hate when I do that
Discarded DECODING THE EXTRAORDINARY MIND
Fell into Kate Atkinson's ONE GOOD TURN

2;36. Up for air from Atkinson book. Time for a nap. Not tired. But a nap is possible so why not?  A little Solitaire too.  Made ice water with strawberries in it in two quart jar. Hard to lift. Maybe a little Best British Baker Off. OK off the gird I go

4:23. Back on porch with ONE GOOD TURN. feeling a little lonely.  Or a need to be productive. Thanks Tyler. I shake it off !!  Coffee helps. What luxury my corner on the porch is. I will water hanging baskets next time I'm up.

5 pm switching to nonfiction AGNOSTIC MANIFESTO and will alternate with
Works for me. Refreshes the palette Don'ja  know!!

5:40. Eyes beginning to hurt. Wondering if I should go to beach for sunset
But I am content why try to augment contentment?

6:10. Silence strikes. My porch faces a well used street. I adjust to constant car whoosh--call it my ocean waves. But this silence of no cars is so luscious.
So secure. No random moving parts. So still. A car comes. Makes me sad
I adjust back to wallowing in the treat of"enough time" cars or no cars

7:46. Getting dark. I go in the  house to Not Fix Dinner. More luxury.  Think I'll have frozen cherries.  I read until 10:30. Lights out. Eyes glad to be shut. 

Indulgence is so good for the soul. Maybe not the body, but a happy happy soul! Souls are not made for suffering.

THOUGHTS ABOUT DEATH

Do we expect death to be easy?
I think we do
The death of others is overwhelmed by our own personal loss
Our own pain is the focus

Our inevitable personal death to come, we shake off
We know it will happen
And we veer away quickly from that knowledge
Nothing we can do about it

Here'shat I know about dying:
Dying is itself is usually hard work
It's no fun for the person dying either
It takes energy
It can be a sweet moment
It can be quite anti climatic
Some people will enjoy the drama and make it bigger than life ( now that's funny)
It takes a year to absorb the death
Food helps'
Talking about the death is needed to believe it
Its hardnot to get imprinted with the last living image. Photos help balance this
Not everybody has to cry
No service can be perfect because the situation can't be remedied
Sitting and staring seems to help
Sorrow is the right response
No shame no hurry no fake joy needed. Celebrate the life but mourn the loss
Grief demands lots of sleep. Daily details can feel like Mount Everest
Every anniversary sucks
It is bewildering for the person dying too
Think of going on the biggest journey of your life ALONE. ANDKNOWING IT
Grief can feel like a combo of stage fright and lethargy. Geared up and unable to move

More thought to come. We, in the US, are just beginning to take death for what it is.
More on that to come

WHAT WOULD BE LEFT?

If we cleared all the gunk out of our various religions what would be left?

Gunk=rigid rightness
          theological battles that detract
          thinking in opposites ie. belief versus doubt
          killing the spirit with tight behavior rules
          wanting to change others
          creating 'wrongness' in others
          punishing and judgment of others who are different

You get the idea--GUNK!!

Leftovers=compassion
                 love 
                peace
                joy
                spirit
                generosity
                Godness

Let's change the word 'leftovers' to 'essence'
Many of us are trying to work with the essence and therefore it leaves us a little stranded when it comes to formal religion.
          

         

I AM NOT------

I am not an atheist
I am not an agnostic
I am a curious explorer
I am curious about what consciousness actually is
I am curious about the human need for reverence that prevails
I am curious about the wonder of nature and the body and of our earth
I am curious about how Mohammad, Buddha and Jesus became such powerful organizing forces for religion and righteousness that can ruin their true story
I am curious about the power of prayer and the power of thought
I am curious about spiritual moments and experiences
Oh hell
I am curious about what this being alive means and how precious it is and how we keep not knowing that

ANSWERS TO: WHAT IS "CHURCH" FOR YOU?

Well, that is kind of a lousy question and I will change it but as I used to say in my work as a Corporate Executive, "No matter what you ask, people will answer, talking about what they want to say".  A question can be like an open invitation.

I'm getting braver about asking this question. There may be a book hidden in it.
By braver I mean, I sometimes hate to ask any question because of the assumptions people automatically make. My book I PRAY ANYWAY is about my ambivalence about religion and God-ness and transcendent reality and so far people have identified it as a self-help for busy women, to a desire to encourage people to pray, to a statement or atheism. I wish. For that kind of absoluteness.
Maybe I 'pray' for it.

So this week, one person took the question to be a Rorshach test and began to spew against organized religion. One more irritated, disillusioned Catholic went on at length about the goal of religion to control, to gain power over others, to create fear as well as its hypocritical behavior throughout--forever. I tried to clarify the question taking it away from an actual church building toward what was sacred to this person. Nope. The rant had begun. We were at dinner and the check finally came. I had not said a word for twenty minutes. I would have liked to have lasted longer to see what might come at the end of the emptying of the bile. But he hadn't finished and I was out of time.

The next person I asked was fast and clear. Her art is her church and her worship. (In fact she writes icons. 'Write' is the technical term.) But any time she is creating beauty feels like church to her. She said, "I feel joy and a presence of holiness and calm and timelessness. Contentment even in my cray life and world. Art is my church."

There you have it. I really want to hear your answer.
www.iprayanyway.com  
I am collecting answers at this address and will not identify the source only the content in general terms and with permission.

WHERE IS YOUR CHURCH?

My husband and I are visiting our west coast kids--Seattle, Portland, and Santa Cruz. We talk about everything while we are eating everything. So we talk about 
I PRAY ANYWAY: Devotions for the Ambivalent.

My daughter-in-law read the book in one sitting. I asked 'why?'  She said because it felt in such real time and she could eaved drop on someone's thoughts as that someone wrestled with the dilemmas of religion today.
We talked about the dilution of church going and how it happened. We both had church going parents and we went too until about the age of 16 when it dwindled, somewhat for our parents and severely for us.

My daughter-in-law is a superb cook and, yes, foodie.  She and my son were recently in Hawaii and we were looking at photos. Her were all plates of food. No sign of Hawaii vistas.  She works as a fund raiser for TILTH an organization in Seattle dedicated to guarding natural resources and creating an equitable and healthy local food economy.  

She was cooking dinner and definitely in a creative zone. She looked-up at me and said, "This is my church."  She went on to talk about her reverence for the earth and the glory of good food and honoring the process of earth to mouth by using it well. This was not a glib moment. It was serious and intimate and profound.

Where is your church???